I remember once finding a webpage about pick up lines. I was barely out of my teens and thought these lines would surely guarantee success with the girls I used them on.
Some of the pick up lines were clever, witty and showed balls (if you could bring yourself to use them). And you know what? Some of them worked for me.
Looking back, I realise the reason that these pick up lines worked for me was not that the lines were funny or clever but because I was displaying signs of value to BACK UP THE LINES. I'll say it again because it's a crucial understanding.
The pick up lines were allowing me to make initial contact. They were getting her attention. But the reason I was converting some of these interactions into kiss or lay closes was not because of the power of the lines but because of the value I was showing my target in other ways.
After using the pick up lines, I was communicating congruently and confidently. I was noticing her state and creating a tailor made response to her based on what I was noticing. I was calibrating where she was at the moment and leading her towards states that would make her more emotionally and sexually open towards me.
I was not buying into her shit tests but reacting with good natured humour to them. I was leading the interaction and making it enjoyable without being bossy or slimey
In short, the opening pick up lines were getting her attention but my wider displays of value were creating my success. Therefore it's essential to work on the effectiveness of your communication rather than hope a clever pick up line will do your work for you.
When we talk about the effectivess of your communication I want to point out three important areas. There are many more than three but I believe in setting managable and achievable goals.
1. Be congruent:
Make sure your body language and what you say go together. Don't say you like something when your facial expression, voice tone or body language suggest you don't like it. Don't say you are not upset when you clearly are upset and that 'upset' sub-communication is leaking out from your non-verbal communication.
To do this, you need to develop a 'fly on the wall' mentality where you can step out of the ongoing situation you find yourself in and are able to see yourself and the sarge you are doing from the outside with some objectivity. Being able to step outside and get out of your own head allows you to monitor how you are communicating and make changes/improvements to how you communication. Learn to develop this skill of objective monitoring like a fly on the wall. By doing so, you will learn to become more congruent.
If this is new to you, start by not saying things you don't feel or believe are the case. Start by not making excuses for how you feel, for instance. That is miles better than looking like a pussy who comes across as incongruent and, thus, untrustworthy. Trust is a big deal with most chicks.
2. Calibrate:
Try to notice people's emotional states. Very rarely people will tell you how they feel directly but mostly you have to judge how people are feeling by their non-verbal communication. Pay attention to THEIR level of congruence when they communication with you. This will help train you to be more congruent as an added reward. Listen to their voice tone and ask if it matches their actual words. Look at their facial expressions and ask yourself if it matches their words.
Through calibrating a person's state you are in a better position to lead them from their current state into a state more useful for your purposes. If you judge she is comfortable but not excited you need to move her from comfort to comfort with a touch of excitment added. Let's call it C+E. The direction you move her towards is towards the new emotion. As you add more of the new emotion, the previous emotion is gradually replaced by the new. If you try to make the jump too quickly it will jar with her and it will likely not work because you'll experience resistance. If, however, you engineer a series of stages which move her gradually from one state to the other then you will likely not experience much resistance at all and she will enjoy the experience of moving to a stronger emotion. Even the process of being led by a powerful man is sexy and enjoyable to most women.
Tao of Stevie has lots more on how to influence people's states from where they are currenly to where you want her to be. It's by making your move when she is in the right state (strike while the iron is hot) that you can convert sarges into lays with reliability.
3. Macro Tactics:
The two goals mentioned previously focus mainly on the personal level. But there is another level we need to remember. Like the other goals, this also is a level that pick up lines never even consider. I'm talking about the macro tactics level.
We mean here things like the environment she is in, the people she is with and evolutionary psychology affecting her decision making processes. Being able to master your game at the highest level means being aware of this area. Ignore it at your peril.
Examples of this are the people she is with and what they will think of her if she goes home with you in front of them. WIll they judge her and think she is a slut? You need to create opportunities for your target to leave with you and not be adversely judged by her social circle. You might need to be aware of the time of the night, for if she has just arrived and has not socialised with her friends she might be less inclined to leave with you than if she has had a full night of partying and is looking to head home soon.
Other examples of macro tactics include choosing the right place for isolation. If you start getting physical with her, you are likely to have more success if you can find a semi-private area where she can open up sexually to you but it is still public enough that she feels safe and can leave if she needs to.
All of these goals reveal the limitations of pick up lines. A line lasts a few seconds and THEN the real game begins. If you don't have higher value skills to back up your opening lines, you are going nowhere fast. On the other hand, with well developed congruency, calibration and macro skills you are setting in place the ability to achieve success at a higher success rate.
Some of the pick up lines were clever, witty and showed balls (if you could bring yourself to use them). And you know what? Some of them worked for me.
Looking back, I realise the reason that these pick up lines worked for me was not that the lines were funny or clever but because I was displaying signs of value to BACK UP THE LINES. I'll say it again because it's a crucial understanding.
The pick up lines were allowing me to make initial contact. They were getting her attention. But the reason I was converting some of these interactions into kiss or lay closes was not because of the power of the lines but because of the value I was showing my target in other ways.
After using the pick up lines, I was communicating congruently and confidently. I was noticing her state and creating a tailor made response to her based on what I was noticing. I was calibrating where she was at the moment and leading her towards states that would make her more emotionally and sexually open towards me.
I was not buying into her shit tests but reacting with good natured humour to them. I was leading the interaction and making it enjoyable without being bossy or slimey
In short, the opening pick up lines were getting her attention but my wider displays of value were creating my success. Therefore it's essential to work on the effectiveness of your communication rather than hope a clever pick up line will do your work for you.
When we talk about the effectivess of your communication I want to point out three important areas. There are many more than three but I believe in setting managable and achievable goals.
1. Be congruent:
Make sure your body language and what you say go together. Don't say you like something when your facial expression, voice tone or body language suggest you don't like it. Don't say you are not upset when you clearly are upset and that 'upset' sub-communication is leaking out from your non-verbal communication.
To do this, you need to develop a 'fly on the wall' mentality where you can step out of the ongoing situation you find yourself in and are able to see yourself and the sarge you are doing from the outside with some objectivity. Being able to step outside and get out of your own head allows you to monitor how you are communicating and make changes/improvements to how you communication. Learn to develop this skill of objective monitoring like a fly on the wall. By doing so, you will learn to become more congruent.
If this is new to you, start by not saying things you don't feel or believe are the case. Start by not making excuses for how you feel, for instance. That is miles better than looking like a pussy who comes across as incongruent and, thus, untrustworthy. Trust is a big deal with most chicks.
2. Calibrate:
Try to notice people's emotional states. Very rarely people will tell you how they feel directly but mostly you have to judge how people are feeling by their non-verbal communication. Pay attention to THEIR level of congruence when they communication with you. This will help train you to be more congruent as an added reward. Listen to their voice tone and ask if it matches their actual words. Look at their facial expressions and ask yourself if it matches their words.
Through calibrating a person's state you are in a better position to lead them from their current state into a state more useful for your purposes. If you judge she is comfortable but not excited you need to move her from comfort to comfort with a touch of excitment added. Let's call it C+E. The direction you move her towards is towards the new emotion. As you add more of the new emotion, the previous emotion is gradually replaced by the new. If you try to make the jump too quickly it will jar with her and it will likely not work because you'll experience resistance. If, however, you engineer a series of stages which move her gradually from one state to the other then you will likely not experience much resistance at all and she will enjoy the experience of moving to a stronger emotion. Even the process of being led by a powerful man is sexy and enjoyable to most women.
Tao of Stevie has lots more on how to influence people's states from where they are currenly to where you want her to be. It's by making your move when she is in the right state (strike while the iron is hot) that you can convert sarges into lays with reliability.
3. Macro Tactics:
The two goals mentioned previously focus mainly on the personal level. But there is another level we need to remember. Like the other goals, this also is a level that pick up lines never even consider. I'm talking about the macro tactics level.
We mean here things like the environment she is in, the people she is with and evolutionary psychology affecting her decision making processes. Being able to master your game at the highest level means being aware of this area. Ignore it at your peril.
Examples of this are the people she is with and what they will think of her if she goes home with you in front of them. WIll they judge her and think she is a slut? You need to create opportunities for your target to leave with you and not be adversely judged by her social circle. You might need to be aware of the time of the night, for if she has just arrived and has not socialised with her friends she might be less inclined to leave with you than if she has had a full night of partying and is looking to head home soon.
Other examples of macro tactics include choosing the right place for isolation. If you start getting physical with her, you are likely to have more success if you can find a semi-private area where she can open up sexually to you but it is still public enough that she feels safe and can leave if she needs to.
All of these goals reveal the limitations of pick up lines. A line lasts a few seconds and THEN the real game begins. If you don't have higher value skills to back up your opening lines, you are going nowhere fast. On the other hand, with well developed congruency, calibration and macro skills you are setting in place the ability to achieve success at a higher success rate.
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