26 October 2015

Sarging A Lesbian

I've been living in Spain since September and was invited to a party. I left my Long Term Relationship (LTR) girl at home and arrived at the party fashionably late. I was welcomed into the apartment by my colleague, a girl in her late 20s and tonight one year older. It was her birthday. 

But the main attraction was not the birthday girl, it was her gorgeous friend, Maria. She was about 21, Polish, great body, stylish and effortlessly attractive. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her and I immediately set to work on attracting her. 

I spoke Polish to her to get her attention. She wanted to know how I could speak Polish. I told her I had travelled in her country and have lots of friends there, most of them girls for some reason. I got her jumping through hoops by getting her to speak for a minute in English about a topic she was interested in (travel in South America). It was a variation of the BBC game show 'Just a Minute'. I knew I had her when I told her to break out the champagne to celebrate her performance and she reached into the fridge and handed me a bottle. I'd been joking!

Let's jump to the details. Maria was only staying temporarily with my colleague and was looking for a place to stay longer term. I told her she'd definitely enjoy my LTR because she already had the good taste to like me and I only choose girls with class and good judgment. That's an ambiguous compliment working as a screening qualifier. I'd also heard Maria had a girlfriend so was either lesbian or bisexual. 

I had it all arranged. Maria would come home with me and sleep with me and my LTR. Threesome set up. 

The problem was my LTR was upset that I wanted to bring a Polish lesbian home with me. Logistics are the problem in these situations. I had attraction, I had qualified her, I was inside her head, she kept coming over to stand with me, she broke open her special polish vodka and isolated herself next to me and we drank shots. 

But the LTR said no. I had to call it off to avoid a massive bust up. 

I'll still see Maria during the week, though and figure out if she swings both ways. 

7 February 2015

Celebrate Yourself For A Change

Celebrity culture is everywhere. Images are selected by the media and thrust upon us for their own purposes. But these people are not interested in you. They don't care if you succeed or fail. They just want your attention. They want your time. They want to get inside your mind and have you spreading their message of banality. 

Celebrate yourself instead of celebrating stage managed icons. You are real. Your hopes and ambitions and the people in your life are real. Your challenges are real. What you want is real. 

If you are spending your time engaging with celebrity culture in its most typically vacant form, that is time you are not spending on what's real. It's time you are not connecting with your friends, it's time you are not learning skills and knowledge to help you get what you want. It's substituting vapid iconography for real experience. It's vicarious living. And who wants to live a fake life embedded in some marketing manager's wet dream?  

What this means is stopping following celebrity and showbiz tittle tattle. Stop reading all those news stories that don't really matter. Start going outside and talking to people. Travel. Learn a language. Learn a new skill. Develop new knowledge. Share what you learned. Make other people pleased they met you. Celebrate your own life opportunity. 

1 February 2015

Create Culture

"We have to stop consuming our culture, we have to create culture". So said Terence McKenna. 

I've been thinking a lot about what he meant. 

It's starting to make sense more. 

If we are consuming culture all the time, someone is shaping us. When we just consume, what we take into our heads has been decided to a large degree by someone else who doesn't necessarily have our best interests as their central guiding principle. 

Those adverts, news content, newspaper stories, song lyrics etc are designed to replicate. They are designed to titillate and arouse and get us to spend money or influence our thinking. Memetics in action. 

But when we are creating our own culture, we are designing for ourselves what matters for us. We are taking ownership of directing our own lives along lines that matter to us and are consistent with our values. 

Writing Mobile

I am writing this on the streets of Taiwan to see how easy it is to write a blog post mobile. The advantage of this is clear, if it works. 

It means I can be anywhere I can get an Internet connection and write as much as I want to. I like Twitter but sometimes you need to write more than 140 characters to say what you want to say. 

I'm typing on my iPhone 6 and using an App called BlogTouch Pro. 

Let's see how effective this approach to mobile writing is. So far, so good. 


I'm even going to try to include a photo of the street where I am typing this. Will it make it to my blog? 

27 October 2014

Hello From Taiwan

Hello from Taiwan.

I've been here about a month and it's a big change in lifestyle. I'm going to try to talk about what it's like here and why I moved here. I had been planning to move to Spain but I've put that on hold, probably until next year. 

Two reasons stand out for the move. 

1. Lifestyle
2. Travel

For a long time I'd been in England living in a rat race of 9-5 and getting stressed. Despite making good money, I wasn't enjoying it. What's the point of all the money in the world if you don't get much chance to enjoy it?

I knew that to enjoy life more, I'd have to make a change. 

I set my sights on Spain, had an interview, got a job offer in Madrid and went there to set up a new life. After 5 days there, I realized it was an option but not the only option. I discussed with my LTR about other options. Madrid was great for culture but is very busy and noisy. I suggested Alicante or another coastal region where life might be less frantic. I suppose, looking back at it now, that I worried my life in Madrid would be too similar to life in England. 

We hit upon the idea of Taiwan and going there to see her family on an extended trip. So, I booked a flight to Asia and off we went within a week and a half of deciding. Sometimes big decisions just seem right.

Why Taiwan and what is it like? 

Well, I've been before a couple of times to visit but never to live here longer term. I like the winters here. They are sunny and warm. Taiwanese winters are like British summers. And then some. The humidity used to kill me when I worked in nearby Hong Kong but it drops in the winter months and from November to March, the weather is perfect. When it is snowing and icy in Europe, I'll be sunbathing and working on my tan in Taiwan. 

Another reason is we have a free place to stay. My LTR's family have a huge 5 story house and we have an entire floor with our own bathroom. I didn't know it when I first sarged her but she must be quite well off. Good. 

I've joined a gym here and can swim, lift weights, do aerobic exercises, play squash and do loads of other classes for a very reasonable monthly fee. It's half the price of a similar quality gym in England. Nothing beats swimming underwater in the morning after breakfast, checking the time on my diver's watch as I glide along beneath the surface and thinking 'if i was in England now, I'd be just finishing another exhausting shift'. Getting into the jacuzzi after the sauna and steam room seals the deal for me every morning. 

I have the chance to travel in Asia, too. I am flying to Hong Kong soon and planning a trip to Japan. I've seen most of Europe so it makes sense to see a new part of the world. It's uncharted territory for me. 

I kid myself that I can learn Chinese while I am here but I know it's not an easy language for me. Still, I can learn some basics I hope. 

For money, I have some savings and have earned some private income using my skills already. Not a lot of dough, but it's a start and making it is far less stressful than the rat race in England. 

I'm not going to kid myself and say it's perfect here. There is a huge culture shock in negotiating the traffic, reading the people, communicating and figuring out how life works. I think a year would be enough for me, though I have met Westerners who have been here for years. There seem to be loads of Canadians for some reasons. 

So, in all likelihood I'll be here for several months and recharge my batteries while enjoying the lifestyle and travelling. I'll be back to Europe next year and perhaps then Spain will be ready for me and I for it. 


1 February 2014

Don't Barter Incentive

I love this quotation from Peter O' Toole. I'm going to make it my new computer wallpaper or screensaver.

To me, it says don't settle for less but to take a chance in life and make things happen. We only have one life and we should squeeze the juice out of it and make the most of all the opportunities it can offer. 

19 January 2014

Game Evolution

Goals tend to evolve over time when you reach them. You go into the game to improve your success rate with girls, to build confidence, to gain skills, to learn state control and so on. 

After some time, it might be months or years, you take stock and realise you have achieved many, if not all of these goals and you move on to achieving other goals. 

These other goals might be money-making, starting a business, getting physically fitter, moving to a better city, settling down with that dream girl etc. Somewhere between the original goals and later goals might be some overlap such as long-term relationship management. 

I've talked about it with several guys who have been gaming for years and they also have a similar shift in goals. That's the type of person we in the community often are by nature - we set goals and work to attain them. We like to learn and improve ourselves. When we reach those original goals, we make new ones. Part of it is not just reaching the destination but making the journey. 

It's nice to make money and get laid, though, whatever journey you set out on. 

The problems arise when you get out of practice. Sarging girls and powerful communication involve soft skills. 

Soft skills are skills you need to practise regularly to stay sharp and on top form. If you don't practice a lot, you get rusty. 

That's what I've found happens when I focus too much on my career and long term relationship. The cutting edge skills get blunter over time. I suppose this is avoidable if your job is running a PUA workshop every week but for the majority of us, if we are in non-PUA day jobs, too much time in the office takes away from gaming skills. 

And yet, this too evolves. 

I'm at the stage now where those financial goals are less important. I've gained work experience and some great references. I'm tired of putting the fun on hold for the sake of a career that is nowhere near as fun as sarging and travelling. 

My former wing is finding the same. He recognises that the few years he has spent building a business have been well spent financially but have come at the cost of blunting his former very sharp PUA game. That's not to say either of us are bad, far from it. I had a great day 2 with a Polish chick last week and my former wing laid a new girl this week. 

What it amounts to is we both recognise that we probably need to shift back a bit to less of a career focus and more to meeting new people and gaming skills. Those soft skills are still there, they just need sharpening. For me, it's say bit like when I haven't spoken a language for a while.  I get hesitant and make mistakes or can't think of the words properly. Then I go to the country and it's a bit weird for a few days. After a couple of weeks, I'm flying along in my communication. In bodybuilding, there's something called 'muscle memory'. If you've trained a muscle before, it's easier to get it back even if you haven't trained it for a long time. Part of your body remembers what it is supposed to do and if you make the effort, the memory is retriggered. Your muscle grows faster than an untrained muscle. 

The evolution of gaming:

1. Get into the game for self-improvement 
2. Identify and pursue goals
3. Reach goals
4. Identify new, related goals
5. Leave original goals on hold if necessary when stage 4 goals are given priority
6. Achieve stage 4 goals and set up a holding environment for those gains
7. Identify soft skills that need sharpening
8. Enjoy the gains of stage 4 goals while prioritising the sharpening of original self-improvement goals

It's something like that for me and a few others I know. 

I took time out for my LTR, a degree, for a good job. Fine. But the trade off has been more responsibility that I don't enjoy, living in a boring place with a rubbish nightlife. I'm considering this year moving to a new place where I can use my stage 4 gains e.g. my work experience AND combine that with going out sarging a lot more. This would lose me money but I think it is probably worth it in the long run.

I'm also willing to bet that the stage 4 personal growth targets, having been mostly realised, will feed back into the original PUA goals to help create more solid game. 

What comes next after stage 8? Has anyone 'evolved' further along in this model?

15 January 2014

Polish HB

I got a text from a Polish girl on Monday night asking if I can meet up, ostensibly to help her plan something for her studies. I've known her for a couple of years and I've always thought she gave indications of interest whenever we met. I suggested meeting at 7:30 and she immediately replied and said she would meet me at the location which I had specified.

I was slightly late and she was slightly early. Again, these are all good indications of interest. She had agreed to the time, the location and she had arrived early. She texted me to say she was already in the venue waiting for me.

When I went in I didn't recognise her. It's been awhile since I last seen her and she had dyed her hair blonde. I told her to get the drinks in, and twice she bought me a large glass of wine. Again, another indication of interest that she readily agreed to my request. I told her this was my payment for meeting her. That it was, and it was also a test of compliance. She passed.

I went to scout out an area to sit down, a place that would be suitable for kino and getting intimate. I knew there was a back room in the venue that we had agreed to meet in, that is why I chose to meet there. I made a mini mistake which was I sat down first. I prefer it if the girl sits down first then I can sit next to her rather than across from her. This leads to easier kino.

However, another indication of interest happened when she decided to sit next to me rather than across from me. I got her sitting next to me on one of those wooden benches rather than across the table from me. All good again.

I began to help her with her school work but very soon we drifted away from the school work and the conversation focused on me and her, life, relationships. There was some good touching from her and for me - nothing heavy just light and playful, the conversation flowing very nicely and naturally and there was a lot of laughter. It was a very enjoyable flow. There was some light teasing, mainly from me and there was some sexual talk about previous experiences, for example me visiting Poland and my very positive reception from the Polish girls. I asked her about this as a Polish girl to get her perspective. This was a kind of debriefing exercise to find out what it is about English men that the Polish girls like. She said that the English are seen as intelligent and interesting. They have money compared to the Polish men but it is much more than that, she said. She said it was an interest in the culture, the language and also that the Polish men were much more boring. Sorry if you're a Polish man reading this but I am reporting what she said. Get over it and don't be boring dude! I have to say, there are a lot of boring English people. But I was not, at least not to her. 

I did begin begin to get tired and was yawning not because I wasn't enjoying conversation but just because I have been awake since 6 o'clock. She busted me on this and said I was finding her company boring. I'm mature enough to defend myself by not buying into it and told her she would have to work harder to keep my interest. Don't defend yourself, laugh it off. 

It became very noisy in the venue because a football match was showing on the big screen and even though initially it was distracting to have all those people watching, shouting and cheering during a football match, we very quickly entered into a world of our own where she focused totally on me and I on her and it was like the rest of the environment disappeared.

There was more flirting. There was cold reading where I used the information I had gathered about her, for example about what's important to her, about personality traits that she had displayed and fed them back to her to create a bridge into her world to show understanding of who she is a person in a deep level.  There was some palmistry where I told her I didn't really believe in it but my Irish grandmother had taught me how to read palms, I read her palm and made sure to talk about the 'line of head'. She understood the sexual ambiguity of that line and was giggling a lot. 

So, overall the flow had been first meeting her using schoolwork as a relaxing subject - a kind of fluff subject or a conscious excuse for meeting up.  Then moving to playful busting and laughing/flirting and then cold reading to build some comfort and report and then moving to palmistry to continue the bridge building, the comfort building but also introducing a sexual element. Also, during the discussion about Poland I told her stories about how the Polish girls have found me attractive and had got into intimate with me without my giving any particular details of what we did. This was to show that I can keep a secret. Anything that could potentially happen between me and her would stay between me and her. This protects against her worrying about a reputation being damaged if she decides to get sexual with me. It shows I can be relied on not to kiss and tell. And it showsthat I was desirable to Polish girls. I didn't say that but that was the unspoken message during my recounting of my time visiting Poland.

I decided to venue change her not because the venue was bad especially; the football could have been quieter but mainly because I wanted to extend my influence over her and by being together in different locations I find that it increases the sense of closeness and intimacy. I suggested moving to a place around the corner where we could get a drink. This time I bought her a drink just to show I was rewarding her and to show I was not a cheapskate. There is no need to be mean if you don't need to be mean. Again, she sat next to me and this time an AMOG with the big dog approached us. I think he must have heard that her accent because he asked where she was from.

This was a mistake on his part because she likes to try to pass as an English girl. His expertise on identifying a Polish accent backfired on him and I could see immediately from the body language that she did not like being identified as a Polish girl. He tried to get close to her by playing up to his own Polish identity and speaking Polish to her. Now, I don't really speak Polish but I needed to close down this guy so I switched to my few phrases of Polish that I know and interrupted him. He therefore thought I understood everything he was saying to the girl in Polish. I did not know much of what he was saying but the alpha male did not know this. He thought I could understand him. This made him more cautious and self conscious. I then transferred the focus to the dog to distract away from the Polish girl as his target. We played with the dog and told him it was nice to have met him etc etc. He wanted to know if we would be there next week and we said we would not. Closed down. Nice dog. I bet you have to feed it a lot. 

By the end of the night we were all over each other with lots of hugging and kisses and I left because I had to work early the next morning. It was good fun, good practice and I enjoyed meeting her. I will enjoy going further if it happens.

7 December 2013

Avoiding 'Uptalk' (?)


How you communicate is crucial to your success. In PUA, you need to be aware of how you communicate with other people so you can monitor your communication and tailor it for success in the environment you are in. 

Generally, in PUA and in powerful communication, we want to sound confident and relaxed but decisive. 

Because of the aforementioned, it is worth being aware of/monitoring one's use of 'uptalk', or questioning intonation. This is when you raise your voice at the end of a sentence when one is not actually asking a question. 

See the recent BBC article on this.


Uptalk, whether one intends it or not, sounds like one is seeking agreement, consensus or approval. It is used a lot by girls and increasingly by girlie-men to seek approval, often without conscious awareness. 

While it might have its uses to check if someone is being led successfully by you in a rapport building phase of a seduction, the negative associations of uptalk outweigh any benefits, as far as I am concerned. There are better, and more alpha ways of checking for rapport. I am writing as a language expert and seducer of some experience here though I admit rising intonation is something of a bugbear. The BBC article supports my intuition, though, that it has been more a feminine trait up to now. 

In PUA (and powerful communication generally), to me, the negatives overwhelm any possible positive outcomes. In fact, I think most people don't know they are using rising intonation, never mind their ability to calculate its negative effects on their communication 

It's a sign that you are being influenced by a culture without knowing or realising how that culture is feminising you. When I hear people making statements that sound like a question, I lose respect for them at two levels - one is their use of approval seeking and its unmasculine impact, intended or unintended. The other is at their lack of awareness of their communication. 

Monitor your communication and whether you are using uptalk or not, consider your awareness of the impact of your communication. The ability to reflect on how your communication is received is key here. 

3 December 2013

Hello from England

It's been ages since I found the time to update my journal here. Sorry for that. It's just the usual reasons - lack of time, other priorities, so much to do etc.

Work is busy. I'm still in England and thoroughly tired of this place. It's boring. It pays quite well. It's comfortable. It's soul destroying. It is but one place but being here results in so many short sentence inducing, life-stultifying repercussions. So many middling-to-crap lifestyle effects. 

I got Rolf Potts' book - 'Vagabonding', on the recommendation of Tim Ferriss. It's a good read and reminded me of the fun and freedom of going interrailing with Natural Mike (Americans can do Eurail). We'd jump on a train, never knowing where we'd be sleeping the next night. It was an adventure. And it's still waiting out there, all it takes is a bit of time and money. Girls to meet, parties to start and join. Networking. Learning about life. Self- sufficiency muscles bulging. 

I'm going to Barcelona for Christmas. A few days there then to Madrid, Valencia and Alicante. It's a research trip to help me plan for a possible move next year. It's a holiday, too. 

How much boredom can one stand without needing a break? I'm pretty close. Why live in a place where nothing much is going on? My friend used to talk about living 'in the suburbs of Europe', when we were both living in Sweden. Now, I find myself thinking that I'm living in the suburbs of life. I imagine all the nightlife I could be hitting up in Barcelona or Madrid. Warm weather, an international environment, a useful language to learn. 

Sure, I'd have less money coming in if I lived in Spain, but England is so expensive that I'm saving very little. The money I do save, I spend on going to fun places like Spain. Why live in the suburbs when I could move to the action capitals of life? 

8 July 2013

How I Got A Second Passport

One of Neil's big achievements in 'Emergency' is getting a second passport.

After reading Neil Strauss's advice in his book Emergency on the benefits of dual nationality, I decided to get another citizenship myself. I'm pleased to say I succeeded. Here is the story of my second passport. 

Firstly, why bother? Well, there is an acronym in the survival community - WTSHTF (when the shit hits the fan). That's not a reference to Eric Cantona's karate kick on a football spectator in 1995.

We are talking about a breakdown of society - a time you need the option to escape to a safe place. 

Neil got a citizenship to a Caribbean island through an investment program. But as I don't have those six figure sums to throw around, I started researching other options. I wanted something affordable and a place that is peaceful, neutral and nearby. 


It's just across the water from England, Wales and Scotland. You can go there from France. It has flights to America. I bet I could swim the Irish Sea if I had to. Well, maybe not swim, but I do picture myself, in a Jacobean tinged image, bribing a Scottish fisherman to ferry me across as the shit begins hitting the proverbial fan. 

Through my family connections, I learned I can obtain dual nationality - British and Irish. Sure, both are European Union countries but Britain might leave the EU (there's going to be a referendum on Britain's EU membership if we can trust the politicians - a bit of an ask, I know) and Ireland has been a safe haven from (non-civil) war for the last hundred years. That's not to say Ireland will always be neutral but it seems a good bet. Even if Ireland is not neutral, it's not likely to be involved in bombing raids in the way a major city in England is likely to be. 

Getting an Irish passport is something I'd been researching for years out of genealogy interests but somehow never got around to acting on that family history data. It never seemed a priority. But after reading 'Emergency', and recalling September 11 2001, I was reminded of the importance of making contingency plans. Being prepared can make all the difference between surviving and perishing in an emergency situation. 

Anything involving research and gathering lots of information has been made so much easier by the Internet. Government sources of information are mostly online now so the days of writing to a rural priest asking him to hand-search his records for familial marriage/birth dates are probably over or at least less common. Nowadays, you can do a lot of searching online, pay for certificates and make inquiries electronically. And that's what I did. It can take months to do but it's faster now than ever. 

I had to apply to become naturalised under the Foreign Births Registration law, which I was eligible to do because of my family ancestry. Once I'd proven my Irish background and sent the certificates to Dublin (and paid the non-six figure fee) I could then apply for my passport. All passport applications go through the nearest embassy or consulate if you are applying from outside the country, so it took longer than expected. I applied to London and they sent my application on to Dublin and then back to London to me. Luckily, you can track your application's progress through the passport office website. 

After nearly two months, I got a letter from the post office! 

They'd tried to deliver my new passport and I'd been out dealing with chodes at work. I had to wait a few more days to actually get my hands on the prize. More time to imagine flitting across the Irish Sea in a trawler at midnight.

When I got my hands on my second passport, I noticed the harp design which features prominently. It looked reassuringly familiar. Are Irish passports being sponsored by the Guinness brewery? Or has Guinness done its own ancestral research and is tapping into a long standing Irish image? Either way, I like that harp design and what's behind it. 

See you on the other side of the fan. 

18 May 2013

Get Lucky

It's a good song with a groovy disco rhythm driving it along. But what is about?

I'm talking about the Daft Punk song 'Get Lucky'.

Check out the lyrics: "I'm up all night to get some...She's up all night for good fun...I'm up all night to get lucky". What are the 3 PUA insights it shoulder trigger when you consider those ideas? Read on.

1. Getting lucky

'Getting lucky' means you somehow managed to meet someone you like but you had little or no control over the meeting process. Somehow, the stars aligned and you mysteriously hooked up. It's like going into a casino and playing roulette. Will the ball land on your number on this spin of the wheel? It's not a good strategy if you want long term success. Would you spend years gambling your time and energy in a casino with no control over the spin of the wheel?

Yet that's the strategy used by countless people in their attempts to meet a girl. They go out, are willing to stay up all night in the hope that they'll 'get lucky' tonight. It's totally disempowering because you have no control once you buy into a strategy like that. You shrug your shoulders resignedly and tell yourself 'maybe tonight I'll get lucky'. How it happens is beyond your control/understanding. Not good.

A far better strategy is working on your reliable seduction/PUA/influence skills so you can deliberately take control of the meeting someone process. If you know what you are doing, you can much more consistently find, meet, attract and close a girl who interests you.

Don't buy into the casino mentality of 'I'm out to get lucky'. Instead, develop an empowering mental approach which puts you in control of the meeting process. You choose a target, you open her, you attract her and display value, you create rapport, you close the deal. That's you in the driving seat, it's not betting on some random lucky numbers.

Just realising your agency is the key awareness. Everything else follows.

2. Differing motivations

She's out for fun. You are out to get some. What a difference.

When you are making your whole motivation 'I gotta get some tonight', then you tend to do bady. Why? Because you end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed and girls sense that pressure. You don't come across as a cool, relaxed guy. You tend to come across as someone with a desparate agenda when you make that your whole focus. Desparation is not attractive. It also can lead to incongruency in your communication because you have a hidden agenda. Even if you pretend to be relaxed, it's easy for the pressurised underneath to 'leak' out and it makes you seem creepy. It's called leakage.

Now, she might be just as interested in hooking up with the right person as you are but she doesn't make that her entire conscious focus. That's a chick logic way for her to avoid being judged by society for wanting to get layed. But we can steal this strategy and use it in our favour to help us get layed.

Tell yourself that you are out to have fun and meet some new people. Make that your actual aim. That allows your hooking up motivation to exist but takes the pressure off you to succeed at all costs. It also helps you stick with the process longer term because it makes having fun the main aim. When you can inject having fun into a learning process, it encourages you to stay with it long enough to improve and make progress. It's a paradox. By easing off the pedal, you can travel further.

3. All night?

When I lived in Spain, I'd sometimes party all night. The partiers didn't go out till after midnight! I'd come home after meeting HB T. and her chica friends at 6am (see my 'English Patient' post) during my time in Seville. Ernest Hemmingway once said 'nobody goes to bed in Spain until they have killed the night'.

It's fine to stay up all night to have fun but when you are staying up all night to get lucky, it's bad.

When you disrupt your sleep staying awake all night hoping you'll win the lottery, you are desperate.

If you want to stay up all night, do it for yourself, not for someone else. If meeting a girl you like is a secondary pay off, fine.

And who says you have to meet people at night? I've met girls morning, evening and night.

'Get Lucky' - good song, bad mentality.

4 April 2013

Edge Junkie Syndrome

For the past week, I've been testing the Paleolithic diet. I read Robb Wolf's book, 'The Paleolithic Solution', and it seems to make sense. Even if it's not 100% accurate, it has allowed me to lose around 7 pounds in weight.

I've avoided crisps, chips and booze. I've eaten loads of fresh vegetables and lean meat. Anything to boost my intake of fruit and veg can't be bad. My skin is glowing now. (Since writing this a few days ago, I let slip the diet due to being on holiday and went to an 'all you can eat buffet' - I feel more bloated even a day after the buffet).

Exercise? I cycle to work 5 times a week and walk a bit at weekends. I use my cross trainer from time to time but less so now due to injuring my shoulder last August when I fell off a bike in Poland.

Weights? I was doing them but had to ease off due to that shoulder injury. I might elect to have treatment if I can shoulder the burden. It's a weird thing. I fell running years ago and it got better but the injury was set off again when I fell of that hired bike on a Poland sarging trip. I still hooked up with some Polish girls. For anyone thinking of visiting Poland, I can recommend it. The girls are beautiful and far less spoilt than many other western girls. They are down right friendly, in fact. If you want to read about meeting girls in Poland, I can recommend 'Bang Poland' by Roosh V.

I don't think it is just the diet and weight loss that has been making me feel better, it's the fact that I am moving towards something and achieving it. I feel like I have insider information - I've had 'edge junkie' syndrome for as long as I can remember. It's partly was drove me to seeking out the community in the first place, that striving to get an advantage over the rest of the crowd. You see it a lot in the world of self-improvement. There tend to be two types of people in this world (yes, I know this is a line from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly) - people who are consciously incompetent and want to catch up on the skills and knowledge they realise they are lacking. Then there are other people who are consciously competent and are seeking to heighten that competence. I often fell into the latter (but we all have to start somewhere). 

I think if you can identify baseline trends in what often motivates you, then you can harness that motivation strategy to achieve an array of skills and knowledge. So having 'edge junkie' syndrome has prompted me to learn languages, learn how to play musical instruments, exercise, eat better and other activities on which I will plead the 5th Amendment to avoid self-incrimination. 

I'm off to the Canary Islands and mainland Spain soon for a couple of weeks of adventure. 

16 February 2013

The Best Places To Meet Women

Check out the latest instalment of the SteviePUA interview series on www.puagame.net

Where are the best places to meet women? Interviews with dating gurus.


Enjoy, Stevie. She did.

17 January 2013

Inner Game - The Art of Happiness

I'm rereading a book - 'The Art of Happiness' by the Dalai Lama and Clive C. Cutler. I bought it years ago and found it useful. It's not a religious book, it's more about ways of managing your thinking to improve your base level of happiness.

The book points out that while we might experience short term boosts to our happiness, for example we win a lottery prize (or get a girl), we usually fall back to our usual level of happiness or life satisfaction after the initial thrill wears off. Similarly, when something goes wrong, for instance we have an injury or lose money (or don't get the girl) then we feel down for a while but eventually we adapt to the situation and return to our base level of happiness after an appropriate length of time.

Thinking about meeting girls in my own life, I realise the reason I needed this book was because I was over-reliant on other people for my happiness and self-value. One of the crucial understandings I took from PUA training is to be in control of your own state. That is rewarding to your own pursuit of happiness and also is attractive. When your emotions are out of control and you are being overly reactive to external forces, you are not in control of your life. A person whose life is out of control is not an attractive proposition unless you find a girl who is a therapist and takes pity on you. That's not a good basis for a relationship.

This is about inner game. It's about being in control of how you think and of how you react. We ought not to be dependent on other people for our own happiness. Our happiness should come from within. A person who can be in control of himself and genuinely exude happiness to the people around him is someone people want to be around.

It's a good book and worth reading for improving your inner game and state control.


5 January 2013

Life Goals: Problems & Solutions

This is about life goals. Putting these down in writing, I hope, will make it easier to focus on them. Apologies in advance that these ideas are all about me but I hope you'll identify with some of the problems and solutions then perhaps share your own insights here if you think they add something helpful. 

I've ordered these goals under headings of 'problems' and 'solutions', and are a reflection of how I'm feeling now. I don't know if this is the best way to approach these challenges but it seems the easiest way to arrange them.

I wrote these out on paper first, in 2 columns. I'm transcribing them here, slightly amended to protect the privacy of people involved. An additional benefit of writing these up online is people might be able to offer their own ideas on solutions. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

I ought to add that these are what are sometimes called 'high quality' problems. In fact, I'm very lucky in my life to have the things I do have. Still, I'm in favour of everyone making the best of themselves and of their life and of trying to be the best we can be. Some of these problems are petty, some important. I've listed them all in a brainstorming session. I'm listing them all here to get them out. I don't like this feeling of festering problems with little action being taken to solve them.

For sometime, I've had an underlying feeling of stress, of treading water, of 'this is not as good as it gets'. I know there have been more enjoyable, more exciting times in the past and I'd like to get them back. Part of it is about learning new things, part is about spending time doing worthwhile things and not going through the motions set up by unnecessary external demands.


I feel stressed due to work pressures: for sometime I've been in a job that pays well but puts me in a position where I'm around stultifying people. It's like banging your head against a wall trying to get through to them and it's not going to change. Even if I make a breakthrough with some of them, the next year a new set of people will arrive and I have to start all over again. That's the nature of the work. I'm stressed out doing it.


Leave my job and do something more rewarding. But that change brings with it a new stress of making a big change. At least the new stress is temporary and will lead to improvement. The current stress will just continue running in the background and never go away until I learn to control it or make it go away by taking action against it. Tim Ferriss talks about 'eustress', which is a kind of positive stress that helps us grow and improve. I do have the money to make a change. If the worst happened and the new move didn't work out, I could almost certainly find a new source of income even if it is not the ideal I seek. Therefore, is it not better to take that chance sooner or later rather than having the same old stress running indefinitely in the background, causing all kinds of who knows what health problems in the long term?


I feel stress due to the bad weather: summer is ok here but I can't stand the winter with its darkness, cold, ice and snow. I wonder if I have a mild form of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Conversely, in the warmth and sunshine, I feel happier and carefree. Or is it that in the summer I am usually free from work? No, it's also just the sunshine because when I worked in Spain, I felt good in the heat despite the work.


Move to a place where there is sunshine and warm weather. Places that come to mind are Madrid, Barcelona, Valencia and the Canary Islands. If I could get the set up right, I'd like to have the winter in a warm place e.g. Thailand and the rest of the year in Europe closer to my family.


I don't enjoy my job: it's mentioned above but I used to enjoy it a lot more.


Get a different job doing something differnent. Even in the same sector might be ok if it was working with a different kind of client. Other solutions are setting up an automated income or moving into a new work area e.g. writing. Bit of a risk but writing could be done in my free time, initially, so would not require a sudden jolt of career change.


I need an income: although I have enough savings to live for a year or two, I know I can't stop getting an income indefinitely. I need to work or to earn money at some point (or win the lottery).


Winning the lottery is not a feasible solution. I need to get work in a place and job area that is enjoyable and rewarding (personally, even if not highly lucratively). Having savings provides a cushion to try something new. If no risk is taken, the same situation will continue and that is not going to happen. It can't. I'd be wasting my life in the outskirts of suburbia.


I want more free time: there are tons of things I want to have time to do and I  can't do them because of work demands. I want time to read all the books I have collected. I want to travel more and see new places. I want to study languages, swim, play tennis, look for treasure, scuba dive, learn to cook Italian/Chinese food, visit cinemas more...


Having an automated income would free up time to do more of the things I enjoy. I've also thought about using global arbitrage whereby I'd live in a cheap country and earn wages from a more expensive company. There is a chance of doing this by working online but it would not be automated, I'd still have to put in the hours. Still, it would be a start and I could work on an automated income while doing it. Even better would be to set up an automated income while working my current job then leave the current job once I have another income stream. Living in Spain or Italy would let me improve my language skills. I could learn the local cooking, too.


I need to be in better physical shape: I've put on nearly a stone in the last year. I'm not fat by any means. But I don't need it. It points to poor self-discipline and doesn't help me look or feel my best.

Ask A Girl Out

"You are the prize...let her tag along"

Asking a girl out is seen as the first step in how to get a girlfriend. There’s a lot of competition out there to meet the most beautiful girls. I’ve made love with beautiful girls from Sweden, Spain, Italy, Germany, England, Scotland, Poland, Taiwan, China and America. For the first time, I’m sharing my thinking on where to find a girlfriend and what to say to girls.

Fallacy #1: You need to ‘ask her out’.

We are bombarded with movies and television shows based on spurious dating advice. The types of relationships they show are not real. It’s fictionalised for entertainment value. What you see on the screen is not what necessarily works in real life. It’s not based on field testing and anything that works well for you based on screen entertainment is coincidental.

The problem is that romantic screen entertainment is largely paid for by sponsorship by companies selling products. They want you to buy her those flowers, they want you to think you can win her over by impressing her with your gifts and good manners. They want you to think that asking her out is a pre-requisite to dating or starting a relationship with a female. They rub their hands with lucrative delight every time a film shows a man ‘taking her out’ for dinner. There are vested interests operating on a huge, international scale which feed (if you’ll excuse the pun) this way of thinking.

The Truth #1: You don’t need to ‘ask her out’.

When you ask a girl out, you are stepping into a dating frame. You are buying into the idea of ‘I’ve got to impress her’, which doesn’t serve us. You see, when you operate from that frame, you are imposing a huge set of ideas on yourself and on her. These unhelpful ways of thinking simply don’t need to be there and you’ll do far better without them.

Working up ‘courage’ to ask her out is putting her on a pedestal; you don’t want to adore someone based only on how they physically look. Remember, it is YOU who are the prize. A lot of guys are so hung up on this issue that they simply mess up because of the pressure they put on themselves. They think that if she says yes to going out with you on a date, they’ve got it made.

If you take nothing else from this article, take this point – asking her out so you can date her is not the best way to attract her. Why?

If she’s got to be attracted to you in order to agree to go out with you then you are already losing. What about all the girls who won’t go out with a man unless they are already attracted to him? With so much competition for beautiful girls and so many low quality men out there, why would she agree to go out with a man if she is not initially attracted to him? Going out with someone due to peer pressure or social obligation are some of the surest ways to kill passion.

The Solution #1: Build Attraction First & Let Her Tag Along

Remembering that YOU are the prize is crucial. If you act like something is true, most people will tend to follow along and buy into your reality. A man who is in control of his own reality tends to be more attractive (even nutters like Charles Manson had girls throwing themselves at him). Who wants to agree to a whole set of dating rules that restrict what should and should not happen in your developing relationship when you can make your own rules? Avoid the whole idea of asking her out and let her ‘tag along’.

Overcoming Approach Anxiety

SteviePUA interviewed on www.puagame.net

Ways to overcome approach anxiety:

I think a combination of talking to everyone and not even seeing it as a pick up approach is a good place to start.

If you talk to everyone in your daily life, that hot girl is just another person you have to talk to when you leave the house. When you get comfortable talking to people while gradually adding in seductive elements such as themes attractive to the female brain, you shore up your social skills, increase you comfort level and become a genuinely engaging person who can converse on a range of subjects. With practice, you can learn to shape general topics towards seductive themes. My Tao of Stevie course covers all this.

See http://www.steviepua.com/p/resources.html

The other useful idea I mentioned is reframing what you are doing. If you say to yourself ‘I have to approach’ and you see the girl you like as having power to refuse you then it’s quite normal to feel anxious. If you, instead, talk to everyone you meet and see this as just ‘meeting new people’, you take the pressure off. Meeting new people is about giving them a chance to see your engaging personality, and gives you the power to find out if they are kind of person you’d want to let into your life in a more meaningful way...

Read more: http://www.puagame.net/overcoming-approach-anxiety

1 January 2013

How Do I Get Over A BreakUp?

Learn 10 effective ways for getting over someone.

Dealing with a breakup is considered one of the most traumatic experiences in a person's life because there's heartbreak where that special person used to be. Your life is changed on many levels but your mind keeps returning to your ex and this tangles with your emotions. How do I get over a breakup in ten practical ways?

Why Is It So Difficult?

Getting through a breakup is tough because you take a chance when you enter a new relationship. It means opening up and sharing yourself deeply. The more you give, the more you receive. At least that is how it should work. And when you give so much but don't get back what you deserve, you feel hurt.

Moving On From A Relationship:

1. Avoid Being A Victim

Self-consoling feelings are fine but we need to avoid getting trapped in that state because it can lead to a vicious circle of self-pity and victimhood. Nurturing yourself and reflecting on the relationship you are getting over is normal, even useful when it leads to positive outcomes. But guard against getting trapped in that self-pitying mentality because it disempowers us.

Let's face it, it can feel good to feel sorry for yourself. It may be evolutionarily part of our psyche to encourage reflection on past mistakes so we can learn from them. But getting stuck in a cycle of self-pity stops us taking action to positively change our lives. Instead of taking a risk and starting a new relationship, it can be easier in the short-term to wallow in negative feelings and feel sorry for ourselves.

A certain level of reflection is positive but once we recognise it's time to move on, we need to take our reflection about the past and apply that knowledge in a practical way to improve our lives. Getting positive emotions from building meaningful relationships is far more rewarding and productive than any feelings of solace that wallowing in self-pity can give us.

You are also more likely to meet a new person if you can bring a positive outlook and avoid seeing yourself as a victim. Determining to move on brings long term healing for yourself and is also more likely to have results in the real world. Now that you've decided to move on, let's turn to detailed steps you can take in your behaviour and in running your mind to help you get over your ex.

2. The Lottery of Love

The lottery of love is fraught with risk. When you win, it is wonderful. When you lose, it hurts. Those are the rules of game. When you develop a relationship, you are taking a chance whereby you could get a big payoff or suffer a loss. Unless you step up and give it your best shot, you can't win. Just like playing the lottery, you have to be in it to win it. If you are not playing, you can't win the prize. Give yourself credit for having done your best, given the circumstances you were in. Think of all the people who never had the chance to win the lottery.

It's a cliche but it's still true today - it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved all. Whereas winning the lottery is pure chance, in human relationships we can stack the odds in our favour. How? Because in the lottery of love, we can reflect on our choices and learn from them. We can learn about mistakes we made, actions we could have done differently or the choices we made. Sometimes we did nothing wrong apart from being with a person who was not meant to be with us. Yet we don't know if that person is the right person for us without our opening up and taking a risk. Congratulate yourself on having taken part in the lottery of love. Just by taking part, you are way ahead of the crowd. And by taking with you learning from the past and ideas such as those you will find here, you have a better chance of winning big in the future.

It's not the people whose relationships don't work out who are the losers. The losers are the people who don't take part in a relationship. The difference between winners and losers is the losers don't lose enough. The winners have usually failed far more often than the losers. But by keeping going and learning from their experiences, the winners are better positioned to take advantage when the right opportunity presents itself and that means winning in a big way.

Remember, even the winning score cards have their share of bunker shots and misses.

3. Take Control Of Your Thinking

Here's a secret not many people want you to know about, least of all those marketers selling you quick fix remedies.

You can control how you think and feel.

HB Lakeside

I am travelling with Natural Mike in Eastern Europe. He kept telling me about the Polish girls - lots of his girlfriends in Germany have been Polish. Coolwater emailed me a few days ago and said the Polish girls were hunting him down in Krakow. So, sure enough, after being here only a couple of days I landed a Polish HB.

I'm calling her HB Lakeside because we had a day 2 walking round a Polish lake before I laid her.

Natural Mike and I took the train from Warsaw to Lublin in Poland. The train was so full that we had to sit in different compartments. I chose one with 2 Chinese looking students in it - a boy and a girl. There were 3 others in the compartment, one of them a girl about 28, blonde, slim and well dressed with a mini dress showing great legs.

I remember talking to Style (Neil Strauss)several years ago about my successes and he pointed out that so many of my lays involve high levels of social proof. This time it was present again - I was social proofed by the students - who turned out to be Taiwanese.

I opened the Taiwanese students and displayed personality while ignoring the Polish HB. I have a lot of experience with Chinese and Taiwanese girls so it seemed easy to talk to them. I tried out the phrases I know in their language, sang a song for them in Mandarin and they corrected my pronunciation. It turned out they were from a city I've been to in Taiwan and I showed them photos of me in their home town (on my smart phone). I even put the students onto the phone to say hello to my LTR who spoke to them in Taiwanese (she is from there). They ended up asking for my Facebook. The Polish HB was watching all this.

After she left the carriage for a bathroom break the Polish HB returned but this time sat next to me. I was using a bit of cocky/playful, telling her she'd have more fun sitting on my side of the carriage. I was the party centre on this 2 hour journey! Not much competition here, either, from what I've seen.

Truth be told, the Taiwanese were boring so I turned my attention to the Polish HB. She'd already had a taste of my personality and had reacted well to me by moving closer to sit next to me. I took it as an IOI.

I teased her with a competition of who had visited the most Polish cities. I also tapped into her experiences of having worked in Ireland. I have family there so we were able to connect on that topic.

As the train came into the station, I got her Facebook and Natural Mike re-appeared. We got off the train, said goodbye to the HB, but in a restaurant in town I got a message from HB Lakeside inviting me to a music concert in a pub that night.

We found the pub and Mike got sarged by some Polish MILFs while I talked to HB Lakeside. I was running some Speed Seduction connection patterns on her and linking it all to me and 'this experience', using ambiguity over whether I was referring to a time in the past when she felt wonderful and connected to someone or whether I was referring to this current experience between me and her. Kino was evident - touching legs and arms. I had my arm resting on her bare shoulder at one point. I was using push-pull sometimes e.g. saying she was a bad girl for getting caught without a ticket on the tram and I'd have to watch out for her. Then I'd tell her I like it, actually.

We danced to the live band and when an AMOG tried to dance with her I didn't show annoyance. I turned my attention to other girls and danced with them. HB Lakeside came back and asked me to come to a quiet area downstairs. I knew she was isolating me.

In the quiet chillout area downstairs, I ran more patterns on her and read her palm. She said that what I told her about was so accurate. There was quite a lot of kino going on. Palmistry is great. I do a lot of cold reading but could integrate more seduction language. I need to re-read Toecutter's book on palm-reading.

Mike appeared and said he needed to get back to the hotel so HB Lakeside walked us to our hotel. Mike went inside while I isolated HB Lakeside up a flight of stone stairs in the ruins of a medieval church. I kissed her there and arranged to meet her the next day - getting her number, too. She was slightly reserved about getting physical in public but not, as it turns out, in private.

I got a text from her in the morning asking me if I wanted to meet for breakfast. We met up, ate and walked to the castle to take photos. Mike and I planned to move on to a new town but HB Lakeside said I could stay with her in her apartment if I wanted to stay longer in town. That was a definite indication of interest.

29 December 2012

Testing Your Value

"Attractive females don't test innocuous old men..."

You are choosing a valuable product - a new car, for example. It's valuable to you because it costs a lot of money, you'll be using it a lot and it needs to be reliable. You understand that having a great quality car says something about you. Also, it's got to be safe and not get you hurt or worse. How do you choose? How do you decide its value?

One way is to see what other people are choosing, to read reviews. Another is to put the car through its paces and find out what it can do. Either way, you need to make a decision as to the quality of the product. Is it what I want? Is it reliable? And you also have to consider this: it might look good quality on the outside but it's actually a fake or faulty inside.

Consciously and unconsciously, people make judgements about value. Women make judgements about the quality of the men they meet. Men make judgements about the women they meet.

For men, we often look at the outside - we check out her appearance to judge her sexual quality. Within split seconds we can decide if she's someone we'd want to invest time and energy on. That's fine for a short-term mating strategy but for longer term relationships it sucks on its own. You might be attracted by a psycho-stalker who has nothing but a toxic relationship to offer beyond her genetic gifts. I've been there and lived to tell the tale (see HB Britney)

For women (and this is the main focus of this article), testing for quality in the men they meet tends to go beyond the physical. They want other qualities that evolution has programmed them to be attracted to. Good genes in a man  help but they are by no means the only deciding factor. Other qualities that are often more important than physical appearance include personal traits such as leadership, charisma, confidence, communicative congruence and personal connection.

Fact: attractive females don't test innocuous old men.

The reason they test the likes of you and me is because we have balls that work. We have sexual potential for females.

Being tested by an attractive female is, therefore, a good thing.

If you are not being tested, one of two things is happening.

1. You are of sufficiently high quality that she is sold on you. She has seen your value and wants to definitely buy what you offer.

2. You are seen in the same light as an 'innocuous old man'. She doesn't see you in a sexual way. You are like a family member/a man without balls/her girlfriend/a routine task she has to get done.

What we need to happen is to move away from level 2 up to level 1.

Between these two extremes is a level of sexual awareness in the female, even if it is operating below her conscious awareness. I've seen enough testing in my time to know that some girls don't even know they are testing us. They couldn't have all graduated from the same School of Shit-Tests. They do it naturally when they are seeing you in the 'light of sexual possibility'.

If you talk to a girl and there is no testing from her, ask yourself why not. If she's agreeing to everything you say, she might be a slut who bangs any guy who approaches her. Do you want a girl who rides you today then tomorrow is banging the very next guy who talks to her? If you want fun, jealousy (and a disease?) well, why not. In my experience, though, beyond the short term fun of scratching an itch, these relationships are not so rewarding once the initial excitement wears off. Also. they don't teach you anything about PU skills because it takes next to no ability to meet her.

In most cases, we want a girl to have certain standards in the men she chooses. That says something about her quality as a person. It tells us something about her self-esteem and about who she is willing to let into her life. If she lets any old Tom, Dick (!) or Harry into her life, what does that say about her as a person? If you buy any old car without checking out how it handles on the road, what does that say about you as a driver and owner? How would you feel if, when someone was choosing members for a football team's crucial match, they said 'oh, I don't know, I suppose you'll do'. Wouldn't you have a lot more belief in the coach if they checked your ability to pass, to score, defend etc?

Being tested in the attraction stage of meeting a girl is good. It tells you that you are in the attraction stage and that she sees you as a sexual being who has potential to her in the bedroom.

It's when you have not been tested that you have to worry.

Creating Your Own Reality

There are positive and negative influences in our lives.

Some of these we consciously can recognise - they might be TV shows which reflect limiting beliefs. There are a plethora of these on any daytime talkshow or soap opera - the man is the cheater; females and males normally are antagonistic towards each other (providing the drama surge to the female emotions - see my recent post on this), or just even the news telling us that the world is an evil place where people are out to get us (Barry Glasner's 'Culture of Fear' book reveals this lie).

On the other hand we have positive influences in our lives - role models on the screen or people in real life who are life affirming and supportive. We want more of these in our lives if possible.

My question is to what extent do we and CAN we consciously manage these inputs into our lives?

Having my own flat means I can very much control what I am exposed to in terms of TV, films, books and radio. The people aspect is less relevant here in HK because few people around me speak English.

When I was living at home I was exposed to so much feminazi bullshit through the TV shows playing in the background which my mother would have running. It pissed me off to no end and affected my state.

But when I was in my own flat in the N.E. back in 2002/3 I immersed myself in gaming print outs from ASF, had no TV or internet and spend time figuring out and developing own reality. I felt I was solidifying who I was and what I stood for based on what I had consciously chosen to accept into my life as the influenced that would be affecting me for the good.

I'd go out to local pubs, sarge, come home, write it up in my journal, analyse it and compare it to what other people had experienced, read books on evolutionary psychology, read Casanova's memoirs. I was very much in control of my reality. I determined what entered into it.

Even now in HK I don't have a TV. I choose the shows I will watch or listen to on the net based on what I deem to be valuable for my longer-term aims.

I am saying consciously select your input. Don't have it on the background as chewing gum for the ears/mind. If it is left running all sorts of bullshit societal norms get transmitted often unconsciously.

I am saying be selective. You choose the programmes, the programmes do not choose you. As you realise what works to make your mind more mentally healthy and leads you towards more self-empowering thinking (and thus action) one tends to know which inputs to allow in more and which to screen out.

I tend to screen out daytime talk shows because they pander to a mainly female 'love rat' audience. I tend to avoid soap operas because they present such a skewed view of human relationships (all that animosity and agro every episode).

I am enormously up to date and can talk on many many topics.

I choose my information - I watch the news, listen to radio 4 - the today programme, in our time, making history, the now show, any questions, BBC world service, watch newsnight, question time, radio 5-Mark Kermode's films.

I go to the cinema often. I know about culture and current events. I read quality newspapers. I read books on psychology, evolution, philosophy, travel, humour, current events, history, biology, religion, biography...

It's about being pro-active not passive in the development of your reality and what is possible in the world.

This is about feeding your mind and thus feeding the reality you live in.

As successful, self-empowering men of the world we want a nutritious diet of information, knowledge and beliefs; not a junk food diet chosen for its convenience and ubiquity and prepackaged by someone else.

Don't Put Her On A Pedestal

I want to rebalance a way of thinking that seems to be sold to us as guys in today’s society. That is that girls are “nice”, don’t cheat, and don’t have the same bullshit lives to deal with that guys do, it’s that “Put Them On A Pedestal” crap we are sold. Every time I turn on the TV I see some talk show about how such and such a “bastard” has been cheating on his woman. It’s rare to find the same number of women who have been cheating on these shows. It’s the man who is presented as the playboy by the media, he is the dog out there sniffing butts while the sweet and innocent woman is at home. I’m sure that a lot of the time he really is out sniffing around, but what we are not shown is girls are doing it in a huge way too. That side of things is simply not presented to us in a balanced way.

You’ll agree, I’m sure, that generally speaking women are far for attuned to the dynamics of relationships than guys are. They know what is going on at a much deeper level than the AFC and so many guys are AFC. Time and time again, I have seen women manipulating guys (including me in the past!) and getting what they want out of the relationship. They test us to see if we have the fitness traits they are looking for. They test us to see if we are strong and can stand up to them, and most guys simply don’t know how to handle that and they end up reacting the wrong way, so failing the test. You might then expect to hear “it doesn’t feel right”, “I don’t think of you in that way”, or the dreaded “let’s just be friends”.

Yes, when it comes to relationships women can be rather ruthless in screening guys out. Unless you have some idea of what is going on at this deeper level you just aren’t going to cut it unless you are naturally good. Guys, wake up. Women are going after and taking what they want from relationships all over the western world. They are sitting on half the money and all the pussy. It’s time for you to get it into you head that unless you start going after what you want, what you deserve, you are not going to get it. Let’s make a decision to start playing hardball with these women who are going determinedly after what they want in relationships. They are making sure to take care of their happiness, and it’s time to start going after your own happiness in this area too.

26 December 2012

Why 'No' Is A Good Thing

I was recently reading “The Mating Mind”, by Geoffrey Miller, and I found this quotation -

“From the viewpoint of any normal living individual, all of one’s past survival attempts have succeeded, whereas most of one’s past courtship attempts have failed. (If most of your courtship attempts have succeeded, you must be a very attractive and charming person who has been aiming too low.)”

A lot of men think to themselves if a girl says no, it is a terrible thing. Quite the opposite can be true however. Let me explain why.

When I sarge girls I usually get a positive response, especially if I have a small amount of time in which to sell myself and convey personality. It is unusual for me to hear an outright “no” response. The reason for this is I have generally been sarging girls who I know will say yes to me. Instead of always targeting the 9s and 10s, I often open girls who I feel more comfortable opening and talking to. After reading that quotation in “The Mating Mind”, I have realised that these tend to be 7s and 8s who I believe am likely to get a “yes” response from.

There is a psychological part of me, and in most people, that they often rely on what has worked for them in the past and therefore is what they feel comfortable with. So often I get a positive response from these girls I talk with because I am familiar with dealing with them and I believe my skill set is good enough to attract that level of girl.

The problem is I am not getting enough “no” responses! All I get are these damn “yes” responses! Why is that a problem? Most people think if you are generally getting lots of positive responses from the girls you open, there is cause for celebration!

Well, yes and no. It is good in the sense that you know you can attract a certain level of girl reliably. This shows your training and learning is paying off. But it is bad in the sense that you are not pushing yourself to attain the highest potential that your skill set might provide you with. In order to know you are on a learning curve towards attracting increasingly attractive girls, you need to hear a few “no” responses. Why is that?

Because unless you are getting some “no” responses you are not operating at the level which will give you optimum pay off. I don’t know for sure what the perfect ratio of hearing “yes” to “no” response would be exactly, but it should be at such a level that you are challenged a little from time to time and should allow you enough reward that you are encouraged by your success, while being motivated to improve your skills by learning from the interactions that didn’t work out as well as you would have liked.

Getting some “no” responses is a necessary and fruitful happening, actually, if you want to grow and improve. Unless you are already meeting and banging 10s consistently, these “no”s are the indication you need that will show you that you are not “aiming to low”, as Geoffrey Miller puts it, and they are one of the best means of allowing yourself the feedback to figure out what you need to improve, what you need to work on, and what you can do better next time. If you always seem to do well, ask yourself this question – “Am I aiming too low?” If the answer is yes, you need to start making approaches that run the risk of not getting that usual “yes”.

That is why “no”, is a good thing to hear from time to time.

Body Language And Your State

''Our non-verbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves'

I'm watching an interesting video on body language. It's an important area of your game if you are interested in being a good PUA. Check out this talk.


Tony Robbins points out in Unlimited Power how changing your physiology can change your state. This TED Talk video backs up Tony Robbins' assertion. You make yourself smile with your muscles in your face and soon enough, you 'trick' your brain into making you feel happier.

Interestingly, by adopting more dominant body language this can affect how we feel. And the changes are not just in our head. Chemicals in our bodies change to reflect that feeling of dominance. 

Bad Boy focuses a lot on body language so if you want to master your non-verbal communication, tell him I sent you.